Dear Father

I attended a wedding, the event was worth it as it had all the Yoruba glamour that accompanies a wedding where the family of the couple are pleased with their children. Bride is a medical doctor while groom is a charted accountant.  What caught my fancy is the fact that the bride kept hugging her father and crying. There were so many activities for the bride and her father that if I were the mother I would have been jealous.
So I heard some people behind me say ‘that is not her father o,’ ‘her mother married this man after the girl’s father abandoned them before the girl was born.’ The bride’s father happens to be Ghanaian.  So I heard another woman say ‘how can a Ghanaian come and take your place when the father of the girl is alive,’ then a woman replied more like a prayer ‘May I not be missing on the day of my joy.’ Somehow from these gossip I had a glimpse of what transpired between the bride and her father.
When we got home, I asked my Mom and she gave me a full down load. She said the Bride’s mother was pregnant with the girl when her said father abandoned them, after some years, the Bride’s mother met her Ghanaian husband who accepted her daughter and they got married. They have other kids but the man has always seen the girl as his first child. They share a bond that even the mother of the girl doesn’t have with her daughter.
The Ghanaian Father has always been there for the bride, in her high and low and he was privileged to walk the bride down the aisle. The biological father (let me put it that way) of the bride was not present though. You say a beautiful story and a happy end right? Yes, I think so too. 
My friend and her Mom attended the wedding too, while my Mom was giving me the gist my friend was listening. My friend is got a similar story too but her Mom didn’t remarry, she is an only child. My friends Mom said, when the time of her daughter comes she would go and look for the man. That was how the quarrel of mother and daughter started.
My friend said to her mother that her Father is dead. She recounted how she could not pay her final year fees at the university yet her father is a chartered accountant who lives in Lekki-Lagos state. How she has never seen her Father before and the man has not bothered to contact her, how her mother did menial jobs just for her to survive, how her mother was insulted by people younger than her just to put food on her table.
I was crying at this moment because all my friend said was true. I know her pain and could relate with it.
This is where I stand. I forgive but I never bring people close after they have hurt me so much. I also do not believe you should eat from where you have not sown. I do not belittle those who stood/stand by me in the time of trials just to honour an individual who doesn’t think highly of me. I do not know what my friend’s mother decides to do because my friend’s wedding is by the corner and we are preparing seriously and I don’t want that to bother me because it is not my issue.
If my friend’s father is invited would he come? When he comes what would he say? Would he take the glory of a father? How would he feel when he walks my friend down the aisle? What would be going through his mind? Would his family equally come and wear the aso ebi ne? Ha! I cannot be ‘drilinking’ panadol for another person’s headache. She is my friend after all and I stand with her.