Marriage is hard work

Marriage is never a means to an end. Never think your problems will be solved when you get married.
The ability to handle your personal issues and effectively solve problems will determine if you are
ready to be a partner.

Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities. Do not be pressured into believing that your
responsibilities will be lifted when you get married, well, for some people it may work but for most
people they never find a head way it just becomes the beginning of new and more responsibilities.

Someone said the reason why she wants to get married is because marriage will solve her problem. I
asked how? She said as the first child of four siblings and orphan she takes care of her younger ones
and the weight is so much that she can’t do anything for herself. She feels if she gets married the man
would take care of her and her siblings.

In the bid to get married, she is yet to come across a man who loves her for her, rather all her
relationships have left her with being the sole financial provider in the relationship. When she
narrated her ordeal to me, she was in tears.

I couldn’t talk much, all I did was to hug her and let her cry as much as she wanted to. I asked her if
she wanted something to eat and then we can see one or two movies. I didn’t think it was appropriate
to talk to her with the way she was feeling. I decided we talk about other things and we laughed about
certain jokes. I promised to visit her at her home the next day.

Here is the scenario I placed before her when I visited her. With so much responsibilities of your
siblings to take care of, you are also yet to return to school for higher studies, you can barely buy
good things for yourself, more so, you are likely not to get a promotion at work because you don’t
have a university certificate.

You are no longer in a relationship because you called it quit recently based on the fact that the guy
was drying your finances yet you are immediately opened for a new relationship as long as it leads to
marriage. How do you think you have helped yourself?

If you get married now and let say the guy at least has a steady income, do you think he can
comfortably take care of you, siblings and his extended family altogether? Give or take 10 months
from the marriage you may be expecting a child.

This is where the real shocker will happen. Most attention will be given to this new addition, my dear
your responsibilities has increased by a hundred per cent. You will be putting so much into your life
but receiving so little.

The needs of your child grow every day and your income has not increased. You begin to get tired,
drained so to say. You become resentful and unhappy, the initial joy you felt at marriage suddenly
disappears and even your people won’t understand you again.

All these will be as a result of the heavy burden placed on you. Don’t forget you are equally
committed to your husband. There are mandatory things that must take place between a husband and
wife. Most times, happiness is derived when you do these things from the heart. Your mental health
must be happy and at rest for you to enjoy each other.

How can you enjoy the benefit of marriage when you are resentful? My sister marriage is work, it is
hard work. I bet you many people go into marriage hoping to be married for ever but most times the
case is not so.

Nobody wants to build a house without counting the cost of building. Please sister, marriage is not the
goal.

The solution I gave.

Are you willing to return to school? Yes but I don’t have anyone to sponsor me when I return and my
siblings will suffer if I quit my job. Ok.

You will work while you school. Since your WAEC result is complete you have to register for JAMB.
Let’s buy all the combination of past JAMB exam subjects you are to sit for next year. You solve all
questions so you can pass the exam because I am certain with the appropriate score you will be given
admission.

Pause on relationships for now so that you can focus on your academics. The truth is, real men will
ran after you after you have fine tune yourself. They will know you are an asset and will want you in
their life. Picture 7 years from now, 4 years of academic investment and 1year of services to the
nation and you would have worked for two years if you decide to leave your place of work to another
company coupled with the years you have been working with them before you started schooling and
during your school days.

At this time you will be in your late 20s and it isn’t a bad time for marriage. Sincerely you would have
grown with lot more experiences on how to live life.

I promise you my support all the way. To be there when you think you cannot move on, you sure will
get there all things being equal. She was happy after I left her house, I was glad I was able to work out
something for her.

Marriage can never be a means to an end in fact it is the beginning of a new journey.