Let the Children Thrive

So I was born into an extended family. My Dad’s siblings were 9 while my Mom’s siblings are 5. This clearly gives a picture of many cousins and relatives here and there. There was always one reason or the other to celebrate in my family. My Mom’s family being Yorubas always had interesting gathering that I looked forward to.

This practically informed me so much that, loving people came with so much ease.  For a very long time, my friends were my cousins. So I would fantasize about having a large family. The only reason I felt I could have a large family of mine was to give birth to 10 children. I guess I wanted to go the way of my paternal grandmother.

I got into a serious relationship and the guy asked, “How many children do you want?” I screamed “10 children.” I went ahead to explain how our kids would run round the house and how we would enjoy every moment because not everyone is blessed to have a happy home. This guy listened without interrupting. When I was done with my happy ever ending story, he asked me “how do you want to keep this large family of yours?” I didn’t understand his question. Then he spoke about finances. Do you know that at that time, even when I had one or two businesses running for me, I never attributed finances to running a family?

Let me explain that little. You won’t call my family a rich family, yet you can’t say we don’t get things done when we want to. Somewhere in my mind, I just felt there would always be money to spend. This boy friend of mine was studying economics then. He began to school me on investment, the need to have a small family and the need to have enough that I can spare for others. Then I asked him, “how many children do you want?” he said, “two”. I screamed “two! Why two? You have four siblings. Don’t you love them? Don’t you enjoy their company? Aren’t you always happy when you see them and hear from them? Then he replied and said “with the kind of money my father has, if he had given birth to two kids then my two elder sisters would be abroad studying but because we are five, the money is shared between us.” Wow! I have never had that kind of thought though.

We kept talking about it as the years passed. Then I decided I would have five kids. He said five kids were still too much. Then I told him since he wants two kids and I want five lets come to a compromise of 4kids then he said 3 kids. We agreed on 3 kids. It is almost a decade after that conversation if not more than and my sincere self wants just two kids now. What changed?

So I met this lady who has four kids and is pregnant for the fifth one. While we were discussing, I mentioned contraceptives. She said she would have loved contraceptives but the first one she used made her so fat, the second one made her so sick, the third one made her so thin. So I said what about condom? She said her husband doesn’t like condom. Then I told her “let your husband get a vasectomy done”. This lady screamed. She said I shouldn’t say that again. She said it is not proper for her husband to get vasectomy, that she is comfortable with taking all the contraceptives.

I gently started talking about removing the uterus (hysterectomy) and the many advantages that comes with it for a woman. At this point, this lady was already looking at me with disgust.  I explained to her that vasectomy is the is the safest, most effective kind of birth control. Only about 1 or 2 out of 1,000 couples get pregnant the first year after a vasectomy. I explained that it is usually done in the doctor’s office and takes about 30 to 40 minutes and the procedure is over. I told her the removal of her uterus would reduce the chances of cancer, fibroids, infections, and other related pain. The lady was not buying any of it.

Do I need to stress that children in every relationship must come first. The decision to having kids must have finances as a top priority. If every family struggling with finances in Nigeria decide to have two kids at most I am sure we would have less number of kids roaming on the street. Of course, the benefit of fewer kids on the streets cannot be over emphasised.  And yes, contraceptive shouldn’t be a gender thing. If a woman can go all the way then the man should be, as much willing. In all of these I speak only for the children because I stand with them.

HAPPY CHILDREN’S DAY IN ADVANCE!